BOOK / SOURCE
כיצד להתמודד ולהשפיע
- Material reviewed for this piece
- Three handwritten content pages and one blank page; all four PDF pages were reviewed. This is an adaptation of selected notebook ideas, not a comprehensive summary of the book.
Reading and application draft · awaiting review
AI-assisted draft based on the saved reading notebook. Listening, questions and leading by example are credited to Guy Shani as represented in the notes. The fictional conversation, question wording and practical boundaries are new adaptations, not a case from Shachar’s life or quotations from the book.
Make room for the other person’s account
Two complementary ideas appear in the notes: criticism can be difficult to receive, and listening matters in communication. They also favor questions that help a person reach an understanding rather than simply being told they are wrong.
A careful application starts with a genuinely open question. “What happened along the way?” can uncover information we did not have. “Why didn’t you do what I said again?” already contains a judgment, despite its question mark.
The aim is to understand the situation before deciding what to correct. The problem may lie in our instructions, available resources or coordination; alternatively, a clear requirement may need to be stated. Listening does not guarantee agreement, but it can give the conversation a more accurate starting point.
Example: a presentation that missed the need
Imagine a teammate preparing a long presentation when the requester expected a short recommendation. This is a fictional example, not a client story.
Instead of opening with “this presentation is unfocused,” describe the gap: “We asked for a recommendation between two options, and the presentation contains extensive background without a concluding recommendation.” Then ask: “How did you understand the purpose of the presentation?” Listen without immediately preparing the next reply.
If the request was unclear, acknowledge that contribution to the problem. If it was clear but the work departed from it, address that directly. In either case, agree on a practical next step: perhaps a single page showing the two options, the considerations and a recommendation, with a feasible deadline.
This is one possible way to structure the conversation, not a formula guaranteeing cooperation.
SEE THE IDEA
A question mark does not make a question open.
Fictional comparison from the presentation-feedback conversation. The question should clarify, not lead to a predetermined agreement.
Judgment inside a question
“Why have you ignored the instructions again?” assumes the instruction was understood and deliberately disregarded. That may not be the whole picture.
A specific gap and an open question
“We asked for a recommendation between two options, but the presentation gives background without a concluding recommendation. How did you understand its purpose?” The answer may reveal a gap in the request, resources or execution.
Finish with a clear next step
For example, agree on one page with the options, considerations and a recommendation at a feasible time. Acknowledge unclear original instructions; state honestly when a requirement is not negotiable.
The way feedback is given also sets an example
The notebook emphasizes influence through personal example. One practical check before a conversation is whether the request matches the behavior being demonstrated. If openness about mistakes is expected, acknowledge a mistake of your own when relevant. If precision is expected, bring a specific example rather than a broad label about the person.
There is an important boundary to using questions: do not disguise an already-made decision as a choice. If something is not negotiable, say so. If there is room to shape how it is done, explain that room clearly. Questions should clarify and support thinking, rather than lead someone into agreement without understanding why.
A minute of preparation
A new practical exercise inspired by the notes:
• Write down a specific observation you want to discuss, without guessing motives.
• Formulate one question whose answer you do not yet know.
• Identify what is genuinely open to change and what must be clear from the start.
• Finish by summarizing what you understood and what each person will do next.
You can also ask: “Is there anything I have misunderstood?” The answer may change the picture. If it does not, respectful disagreement and a clear boundary remain available.
SOURCES / FURTHER READING
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